Couples Counselling

The biggest communication problem is that we listen to respond rather than to understand.
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The First Steps

Whether married, living together, opposite or same sex, if you are experiencing difficulties within your relationship, we can work together to help you make the changes that you want.

 

After taking the first step by deciding to seek help, the next step is choosing a therapist. Coming to couples counselling, especially for the first time, may feel daunting but it is an investment in your relationship.

Understanding

A relationship consists of three elements, both of you as individuals and the relationship. In couples counselling, the focus is on the relationship rather than individual issues. Whilst there will have been a conscious fit between you that drew you together, the unconscious differences can, over time, start to cause problems, or there may have been a change in circumstances which have resulted in a change in dynamics or how you are communicating or experiencing your relationship together.

 

First step

The first step to getting anywhere is deciding that you are no longer willing to stay where you are.

Session Structure

The first session will be held together, followed by individual sessions before coming back together as a couple for all future sessions. Whilst the individual session will be completely confidential (excluding any risk of harm to self or others), I would encourage you to share with each other what may be identified in the individual sessions in the safe environment of joint therapy sessions. Your consent and collaboration is paramount to working through your relationship issues together and I support this by acting as an objective observer and mediator to guide, appropriately challenge and offer interventions into your discussions.

Collaboration

Rather than avoiding, competing or compromising, collaboration involves working together to find a solution.

Therapeutic Education

Therapeutic education often plays a large part in understanding and improving your relationship. Depending on your areas of concern, we may explore areas such as:
• attachment styles
• love languages
• listening skills
• communication styles
• conflict resolution

Knowledge

Understanding your differences can help to accept and work together with them.

We Work Together

I will not take sides. Rather, I will offer you a caring and supportive environment to talk about what you both feel is the problem, explore the differences and help you to gain understanding of each other. This will enable you to find the best way forward for your relationship, whether that be strengthening it together or finding ways to have a respectful uncoupling should that be the appropriate outcome for you both. It is your journey but I will work alongside you to support you and help you get to where you want to be.

If this sounds right for you, please get in touch.

Journey

Couples counselling is your journey and will be unique. The destination depends on where you both want to be.
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Why Choose Me?

Professional

Professionally qualified and highly experienced Therapist

Effective

Track record of successful outcomes and recommendations

Specialist

Individual therapy and couples counselling specialist

Accessible

Choice of face-to-face, Zoom or telephone sessions

Secure

Online system to maintain privacy of your personal details

Understanding Private Therapy

What is counselling/therapy?
There are strict guidelines that a counsellor must adhere to at all times. Counselling is a contractual arrangement between a qualified counsellor (me) and a client (you) who meet in privacy and confidence to explore issues you may be experiencing. Counselling is always undertaken at your request and no-one should ever be ’sent’. There are many situations where people with influence in our lives may suggest counselling as a solution to a problem. This should be offered without any pressure or strings attached. Usually, people come to counselling when they have a problem and so the ‘type’ of therapy used by the counsellor is often overlooked. As in all situations there is more than one way of dealing with issues and counselling is no different.
What type of therapy is it?
There are many different approaches to therapy. I have trained in Person-Centred Approach (PCA), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Transactional Analysis (TA), Focus Oriented Therapy, Solution Focused Therapy, CAMS – Clinical Assessment and Management of Suicidality and Couples Counselling and am committed to Continuing Professional Development (CPD), regularly attending additional courses covering a wide range of issues and approaches. I work pluralistically, drawing from different approaches to meet your needs in a challenging but respectful manner, endeavouring to make theoretical knowledge relevant to you individually to help you understand and make positive change to your life.
What is the difference between counselling and psychotherapy?
Essentially, they are the same ‘talking therapies’. However, counselling tends to be shorter term, dealing with current problems such as stress, anxiety, loss, lack of focus and often includes practical coping strategies in addition to talking through the problem. Whereas, psychotherapy tends to be, but not necessarily, longer term, addressing deep-rooted issues such as self-worth, and may involve exploring early experiences. It may be the case when working through a current problem that deeper-rooted issues are uncovered. It is your choice whether you wish to work with and process those issues.
How many sessions will I/we need to have?
Each session lasts for one hour on a weekly basis, although some chose to have fortnightly sessions. However, it is not possible to pre-determine how many sessions you will need. There are no constraints on the number of sessions you have. Some need only a few sessions and others continue with sessions for many months. We will review our work together regularly and it depends on when you feel you have achieved what you want from therapy that we agree and plan an appropriate ending.
What happens during the first session?
The first session is an informal evaluation where I will gain an idea of your background and what is going on for you at the moment and undertake standard assessments of anxiety and low mood. It is a two-way process so it’s also an opportunity for you to ‘suss’ me out and clarify any questions you may have. To some extent we often have reservations when meeting someone new but in therapy trust is very important.
What happens in subsequent sessions?
If you decide to continue, it is really important that you make a firm commitment to attending regularly. You may know what you want to achieve from therapy or you may be unclear. We can work on establishing some goals for you, we can look at your issues from different perspectives and explore the options open to you. We can look at your underlying feelings and work through these so they are gradually ‘processed’ and understood. With support it can be a safe journey and the goals therefore more achievable than trying to face things on your own. At times counselling can be demanding, frustrating, emotional and just plain difficult. There are no guarantees, but if approached properly your therapy will involve some hard work for both of us - but the results will be worth it!
What won’t happen in therapy?
I will help you to make decisions but I won’t tell you what to do. If that is what you want you need to look for a different source of help such as information and advice agencies, telephone help lines, support or self-help groups. Counselling is not like going to a doctor to be ‘cured, I won’t judge you, prescribe a wonder/miracle cure for your problem or give you advice but empower you to make your own decisions.
Do I/we have to tell you everything about myself?
No. Your therapy sessions are yours and you have a right to take things at a speed that you are comfortable with. That said, obviously withholding details that could otherwise be helpful to your therapy can slow progress. Trust is an important part of the relationship between clients and counsellors and as trust builds up between us you are likely to reveal more about yourself and as a result, discover more.
Will everything I/we say be kept confidential?
Usually what you talk about in your therapy sessions is confidential; however, there may be some circumstances that may prompt me to talk to another professional. The main exceptions to confidentiality are:
- Supervision of my work which is a requirement of my profession - When I have your permission to breach confidentiality:
- When it is in the wider public interest such as a risk of harm to self or others:
- If a court has made a legal order:
Session notes are stored on a secure site. You will be provided with full details before your first session to enable you to be aware of confidentiality terms.
How will I/we know if counselling is working?
I am committed to providing counselling that adheres to the highest standards of quality and service. Part of that commitment is helping you to achieve the outcomes you want from therapy. For this reason it is very important that you are involved in monitoring your progress and we will review our work together regularly.
Where do we meet?
You have a choice of meeting face-to-face at my practice rooms in Warton or Lancaster or via Zoom video conferencing depending on your preference.
How much does it cost?
Your investment is £75 per 60 minute session OR £420 for six pre-booked sessions Payment can be made via BACS prior to the session.
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Mindwell Matters are committed to helping everyone improve their mental wellbeing.

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